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Why I don’t have one best friend or a #girlgang

I have many close friends but not a sole best friend or girl gang and I’ve realised something needs to change.

I’m so lucky to be surrounded by a fantastic group of people and have many close friends, but I don’t have that one female friend that it seems everyone around me has. You watch all these movies growing up about a girl and her best friend—it’s the most cliche plot ever— but it’s something that I’ve never had. There is a huge pressure for women to have a best friend or a super-close group of girl-friends. Don’t get me wrong I have friends! I have close friends that I know I can talk to about anything, but I get a bit envious when I see someone with their #girlgang.

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I’ve always struggled to maintain friendships, constantly being close to different people, and it makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I have that perfect best friend or a super tight girl group? I confess I put a lot of time into my romantic relationship, and I would call my boyfriend my best friend. Yet, there’s always that time when he can’t attend something with me and I sit there and think “who am I actually going to bring with me?”. It’s something I need to work on and try and spend more time with the girls, however, it’s situations like those that make me realise I have close friends but no one I would feel comfortable asking to come to something with me last minute.

But maybe the problem is with me?

Maybe I don’t put enough into my friendships? Maybe I need to make more of an effort? Maybe I need to be the one to make plans? It’s hard to answer questions in your own head. I think a lot of it is linked to self-confidence. I worry about what people think too much to admit. I worry they don’t actually want to hang out with me or they think my plans will be silly. I think I also spent a lot of time hoping people would invite me to things or invite me to hang out so I don’t have to make plans. Now I’m a bit older and in my final year at university, I’ve realised that people don’t really care about the plans as long as you’re spending time together. I have four female housemates and it’s a struggle to get us all to be in the house at the same time! Everyone is always so busy at university, so whatever time you can spend with friends is valued. It’s all about that magical moment when your schedules line up and you can actually find the time to hang out.

As you get older you do drift apart from people and see them less, it’s just a fact of life. I’m not expecting to have a massive girl group by tomorrow or put pressure on people, but I know that I will make more effort with the current friendships I have and this might lead to becoming closer with friends I have already or new friendships in the future. Not having many friends doesn’t make you a bad person, and there are so many things you can do at university to meet people, like join societies and sit next to people on your course. You can’t put pressure on friendships, and that’s why I can’t put pressure on finding a best friend or a girl gang. I love having a close group of friends, I know if I need anything I can always count on them, and if I don’t ever have one best friend or ever find my #girlgang, I know I’m trying to change that, but I’ve been alright up until now so I think I’ll be okay.

Featured image: Simon Maage on Unsplash

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